Teen Pulp has declared it obligatory, so I might as well write about the search terms that have recently led people to Fistful of Plooble “and, no doubt, away moments later”.
First, there are the ones that make at least some kind of sense:
What is a steer pizzle?
pizzle and dizzle
naked Scotsmen
Panang restaurant Chapel Hill
I remember using those terms, and there can’t be that many people writing about pizzles or incorrectly spelling the name of a recently-opened Chapel Hill restaurant. Fair enough.
Then there are the ones that are kind of hard to figure. Yes, I’ve used these terms, but not grouped together like this. How far down in the list did the searcher have to go to get to me?:
Ubangi women face and neck
Russian sourdough starter
student & stories & nubile
neck piercings archives
bungee jumping crapping accident
“I love their new album.”
Nantucket haircut
“My favorite ride at the state fair.”
big lurch gangsta cred
50 most powerful pastors
“I’m still awaiting the hate mail.”
Then there are the ones that make me feel Fistful of Plooble has let its readers down:
just wet my pants
Was this person seeking advice on what to do under those circumstances? Confidential to Squishy in Squamish: email me for detailed instructions.
my refrigerator won’t dispense ice
Um… sorry to hear that. Try hitting it with a hammer.
And some that are completely off the wall:
woozy bottle shrink bands
Is this a new indie rock genre that has escaped me?
free scenester porn downloads
Ew. I shudder to think there might be an actual site like that, and if you’ve ever been in the Orange County Social Club after 2:00 a.m. watching the drunken scenesters pairing off, you’ll know what I mean.
hot Pilgrim chick
Unless there is an alt.fetish.pilgrim-chick, I suspect there is one very lonely and frustrated onanist out there.
Here’s what really perplexes me though. The most common search that leads people here, other than “Plooble” is “beach house names” I get maybe five or six a week. Are there really that many people looking for inspiration on what to name their beach houses? And is the list my friends and I created last year proving helpful? If you’ve come here using that search, please email me and tell me what the hell is going on. And if you do in fact give your beach house a name from our list, I will send you a Plooble t-shirt. I got it at a telecommunications conference, and it’s too big for me now, and it has paint all over it. “What, you didn’t think I meant a Ploobleâ„¢ t-shirt, did you?”