I’m definitely off my blogging stride. Here are some of the lame-ass topics I’ve recently considered:
a” Pistachios are good.
b” People should say what they mean.
c” I hate it when people drive slow.
d” Computers can be annoying.
And the winner is… D! Enjoy.
As a confirmed technophile, I’m a little reluctant to admit that I’m peeved with technology at the moment. Hey, don’t get me wrong, I love a good computer as much as the next person, but when they go wrong on me, I tend to take it personally. I actually found myself complaining to Jean last week, “Why do these things always happen to me?” as though perhaps there was some overarching technology intelligence that had decided I needed bringing down a few pegs “or that I’m the only person who has ever had a problem with Windows”. I’m sure this is a symptom of some kind of advancing mental illness.
Currently, my laptop is pissing me off. I won’t go into all the details, but I have decided that I no longer want any wireless devices in my life. In order to solve my current problem, I either need to call Linksys, HP, EarthLink or Time Warner. And as you know, whoever I call is going to say I need to call the other three.
Then I get an email announcing a new comment on the post called Ol’ Buttermilk Pie, which you might remember had some more of the Finger Pointing Thing. Messygirl20 posted to ask, “Anybody have any further information?” Further information on what? Buttermilk pie? The Finger Pointing Thing? Turns out that Messygirl20 is just spam; click on her link and you go to some site or other that I decided not to gratify by entering.
Even though I am now getting close to 200 spams a day “I love the Earthlink commercial where the guy says, “I use EarthLink because they hate spam as much as I do”” some of them are still fun. Recent correspondents have included Balloon H. Hindquarters, Spacy H. Pothole and Drunks R. Fatherly. Shelley T. Jacobs sent me an email with the subject tline, “poliomyelitis sweatshirt” Hey, Shelley, make mine an extra large!
I suppose the sheer volume of spam I receive makes this inevitable, but I’ve gotten some lately that I was sure must be real emails, based on the subject line. Not too long ago I got one with “Reykjavik as the subject. Yes, I opened it and no, it wasn’t real.
Still, I continue to be amazed that spammers think I’m going to see beyond the gibberish in their emails to the no-doubt sensible financial or medical advice inside. Yakut E. Amiable sent a message with the subject line, “Geronimo! He opens his pitch by announcing, “Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners” Okay, Yakut! You can refill my prescription!
Several others have taken an even more unusual approach, following the “build sales by insulting your customer maxim. Luisa wrote to wish me “Good morning, good morning, idiot dbt” Veronica Goff’s subject line read, “Please don’t be dumb” Kevin says, “Don’t be such a little fruit cake and Gonzalez says, “I’ve had enough of your bullshit” Sorry, Gonzalez. I promise I won’t… um… do whatever it is I’ve been doing to annoy you.
The one that has stuck in my mind the most, especially considering the ongoing economic situation, is the mortgage offer I got from Elsa Blue. Her subject line read, “The easiest way to refinance: incinerate”