“Um… we could rent something I guess.”
They’ve gotten better, but for a while Time Warner Cable had the most laughably idiotic movie synopses in their on-screen programming guide. Either the reviewer only watched a random 30-second clip of the film, or they were trying to make the pay-per-view movies sound better. Here are some of the best:
Stand and Deliver – L.A. teacher Jaime Escalante leads lowly class into calculus.
The Way We Were – A leftist and a writer meet in college, and their love spans the 1930s and 1950s.
Let’s Do It Again – Lodge brothers hypnotize bony boxer.
Highlander: The Final Dimension – Immortal swordsmen duel it out in New Jersey.
Smoke Signals – A geeky American Indian travels from Idaho to Phoenix with a stoic companion whose father died.
American Beauty – A man facing a midlife crisis begins working out to impress his young daughter’s pretty friend.
The Return of Swamp Thing – A mad scientist’s vegetarian daughter falls in love with one of his leafy failures.
The Lady Vanishes – An heiress and a photographer are sure an English nanny was on their train in the Alps.
Illusions – A woman distrusts her husband and his sister.
Short Circuit 2 – People see military robot as marketable.
The Dinner – Three black men gather regularly to talk.
Three to Tango – A wealthy businessman and his mistress believe the architect looking out for her is gay.
Watchers 3 – A major finds a supersmart dog and a monster.
A Day in Black and White – Two men debate a speech one is going to give.
Damned River – Three guys and a girl raft remote white water with a guide who means business with an M-16.
The Biscuit Eater: Biracial boys train bad streak bird dog.