researchers at the candle factory
I’ve spent the last couple of hours watching the Rally of France and the Rally of Spain. I love rally racing. “Of course I do: it’s foreign and hard to find.” You get to see little tiny cars going very fast sideways on logging roads, public roads, and through ancient villages where the cars are literally driving over people’s doorsteps “and nearly their toes”. In the Rally of Sweden this year, one driver raced a moose for about a hundred feet. Plus you get to see cars do this. “I nearly bought a Ford Focus because of its success in the World Rally Championship, until I realized that the one I could buy at University Ford would not have a quarter of a million dollars worth of racing parts in it.”
Compared to American sports figures, the drivers are incredibly modest. They say things like, “I’m really slow today. My opponents are driving very well and there’s just no way I’m going to catch them. And I got really scared on that last stage” It took me a while to get used to it. When you hear them swearing via the in-car camera it’s in a foreign language, so it sounds cute. They say things like “Oyo! when they’re about to drive off a cliff. I hope it’ll catch on here, but I kind of doubt the average NASCAR fan is going to get excited about watching Citroëns and Peugeots compete in a sport traditionally dominated by Finns.
Now that I’ve talked about that, I feel I can safely mention that Primo and I went candle shopping Tuesday. We went to the tritondous Buy Yourself a Lifestyle Mall and examined the waxy offerings of Expensive Barn, Expensive Hardware and Eddie Bauer Home-My-God That’s Expensive. Then we found the candle store. I think it’s called The Great American Candle Company, or possibly T.G.I. Candles.
We discovered that candles are divided into four categories: candles you want to eat, candles that are okay to smell, candles that are not okay to smell, and candles that smell like total ass. “Primo looked at the Seaside candle and said, “What does that smell like? Pine trees and low tide?” I rejected New Car Smell, Litter Box, and Feet, and chose Nantucket “which does not smell like whaling” because I liked the chalky blue color, and Sage, because it was one of the few that fell into Category Two. In retrospect, Nantucket was not a good choice. They’ve been sitting in my living room since I brought them home, and now my house smells like cheap aftershave. “I suppose it would be Old Spice.” Every time I walk in there I expect to see a guy named Vic sitting on my couch in a Member’s Only jacket.