I obviously don’t know much about finding a job, but I do know this: when someone calls you on the phone and says in a rapid, practiced monotone that she saw your resume on Monster.com and wants to schedule an interview in a hotel room the next day and seems reluctant to answer any questions or provide additional information, this is probably not Destiny calling. But hey, maybe I should give it a try. Do you feel that you have adequate insurance coverage? Are you sure? Who would provide for your loved ones in the event of some tragic unforeseen circumstance, like, say, me shooting you and taking all your stuff? Let me tell you a little bit about our policy.
I used to search only the “Advertising/Marketing/Public Relations category on the various job boards, but I’ve branched out. “Drilling sounds like fun, but I’m sure you need experience, and putting up shelves probably isn’t what they’re looking for. So far I haven’t had to search in the “Loading/Unloading category, but that day may not be far off. And, amazingly, the opportunities that show up under “Writer usually aren’t very appealing.
So many of the listings are incredibly specific, and I guess that’s not surprising with so many applicants for every job. So I’m not going to bother to apply to the ad that reads “the world leader in clamp-together ducting seeks a Dust Collection Professional” “Although anyone who has been to Plooble HQ knows that I’m a world leader in collecting dust.” And if I don’t know what a “thin client is, I probably shouldn’t apply for the position of Thin Client Product Manager. Besides, most of my clients have been a little on the heavy side.
A lot of the ads try to make the job sound like a party with Outkast on a Gulfstream V headed for the Cannes Film Festival. “”Throw away your suit and tie and come to work in a rock ‘n’ roll atmosphere!” I figure if anybody is trying to convince me I want the job, then I probably don’t want the job. Then there are the ones that seem to be written in an attempt to actively discourage applicants:
This position works with marketing groups to execute on interactive and direct marketing strategies that deliver on the utilization of interactive technology, customer insights and the application and utilization of customer information and behavior.
I’m sorry, what? Who do you want me to execute?
The best item I’ve seen in a job description was probably a placeholder from an earlier draft that never got corrected. Even so, I loved the idea that I would “work closely with Harriet”